What are the Most Popular Fetishes in the Gay Community?

Some day, our generation may well be remembered as the start of the “introverted sexual revolution.”

Maybe we’re not enjoying as much free love as the boomer hippies, nor are we getting it on as much as the Lost Generation bohemians. 

But we’re for sure the generation that explores everything, tries new things, and finds sexual and emotional relationships that are so complex, we’re inventing new English words and definitions to explain our desires.

Our culture is shaping new realities and opening minds to many new possibilities. We’re the generation that things beyond traditional, conventional, and safe.

Why then does it seem so scary to “come out” and say what we want?

Maybe because, despite our new sexual revolution going on, we’re still afraid of offending someone. We’re still nervous about being lectured on social media for having a toxic attitude, or worse yet, for someone to accuse us of “oversharing.”

But we have to ask again, why are people so afraid of discussing fetishes, kinks, and fantasies when everyone tells us that it’s good to be queer and happy?

Perhaps the issue is that no one really knows what “normal” means, and no one can say for sure what’s an unusual “fetish”, and what’s a fairly common and healthy “taboo” fantasy.

That’s why in this discussion, we’re going to talk about the most popular fetishes in the gay community. And we mean stuff that you might think is “taboo” or super kinky, but which you may be surprised to know is actually a statistical favorite among our greater LGBTQIA community.

Let’s start by discussing the basics, like the difference between a kink and a fetish. 

The Difference Between Kink and Fetish

The terms kink and fetish are often used interchangeably, but they have distinct meanings in psychology and in sexual subcultures. Here’s a clear breakdown of the differences:

A kink is any unconventional sexual practice, preference, or fantasy that goes beyond traditional or “vanilla” sex. For example:

• BDSM
• Bondage
• Discipline
• Dominance/Submission
• Sadism/Masochism
• Role-playing
• Group sex
• Sensory play
• Power exchange
• Spanking

Kinks can be physical acts, psychological dynamics, or even fantasy themes. People with kinks may enjoy them, but do not require them to be aroused or to have fulfilling sex.

A fetish is a sexual fixation or intense arousal that centers on a specific object, body part, material, or situation. For example:

• Foot fetish
• Latex fetish
• Leather
• Stockings
• Armpits
• Shoes
• Non-sexual objects like balloons

In modern psychology, a true “fetish” can mean a person requires the fetish object or stimulus to become sexually aroused or to climax.

Fetishes vs. Kinks

Fetishes tend to be narrower and more “focused” than kinks. In common usage, most people don’t strictly separate the terms.

One of the most popular is foot fetishes. Some people may describe their foot fetish as a “kink” or a fetish, and they wouldn’t be wrong.

What matters is that both are perfectly healthy parts of sexuality as long as they are consensual, safe, and legal.

What are the Most Popular Fetishes in the Gay Community?

One of the best ways to mitigate feelings of shame, guilt, or embarrassment about sexuality is to read more about human sexuality in general.

Statistically, some of your darkest thoughts and kinks may already be popular. Here are some of the most common fetishes in the gay community.

Leather & Boot Fetishism

Rooted in the leather subculture that began in the 1940s–60s, this style of fashion and fetish remains an iconic symbol of power and dominance. Fetish objects include leather garments like jackets, chaps, and boots.

Boot worship is particularly prevalent among gay men, complete with annual “bootblack” contests.

Underwear is frequently featured in top 10 lists of gay kinks, including jockstraps, thongs, and G-strings. This fetish may overlap with other intimate clothing, such as latex, spandex, and uniforms.

Partialism (or Body Part Fetishes)

“Partialism” is a fixation on specific body parts such as feet, chest hair, and other parts not necessarily associated with erogenous zones.

Among body-part fetishes, foot fetishism is the most common overall. In fact, in a 1990s study (compiled by Sutker and Adams), 47% of fetishists focused on feet, with another 32% drawn to footwear.

Voyeurism & Exhibitionism

Watching others is a widely recognized kink (voyeurism), consistently showing up in “top” lists. In a similar vein, being watched (exhibitionism) is another popular kink.

BDSM & Power Play

BDSM covers a number of dominance/submission dynamics, such as bondage and sadism/masochism.

One 2020 study (Ten Brink, S., Coppens, V., Huys, W) found 46.8% had tried BDSM, and another 22% fantasized about it.

Watersports (Urophilia)

Urophilia, including golden showers, is surprisingly common. A whopping 40% of gay men report having fantasized about it in a 2020 survey. (Justin Lehmiller)

Roleplay: Pup, Fisting & Beyond

Role-playing scenarios—like pup play, schoolboy, or slave-master—are central to queer kink scenes. Even something as niche as anal fisting, explored in interviews with 28 gay men, is gaining popularity.

Cuckolding & Group Play

Kinks involving multiple partners or partner swapping (e.g., cuckolding, group sex) frequently appear in broader fetish surveys, right alongside BDSM and voyeurism are the most cited.

Most Popular Porn Fetishes 

According to ErikaLust.com, the most searched-for Google porn fetishes included:

1. Feet
2. Fur or Furries (or people in animal costumes)
3. Spit (Yes, saliva)
4. Voyeurism

As you can see, even the more obscure fetishes have a pretty good following.

The evidence also suggests that large-scale BDSM surveys show a heavy overlap between general kink interest and the gay community—with nearly half of us being interested in trying BDSM, and one-fifth regularly participating.

Understanding Kinks and Fetishes Within the Gay Community

There is a rich and complex history of kinks and fetishes, especially within the gay community, where expressions of sexuality, identity, resistance, and liberation have often intersected with kink subcultures.

For example, there is much to say about the historical view of kink and fetish, and how thousands of years of repression took its toll on our lives, even down to this generation.

Historical Context of Kink & Fetish in the Gay Community

Early Roots & Repression (Pre-20th Century)

Kinks and fetishes have existed throughout history, including in ancient Greece, Rome, and various Indigenous cultures, but often without the same labels.

In Victorian and early 20th-century Europe and America, homosexuality and any non-procreative sex acts were criminalized, pushing kink practices underground.

Police, psychiatry, and religion all played roles in pathologizing both queerness and fetishes.

Leather Subculture (1940s–1960s)

After WWII, many gay men formed tight-knit, hyper-masculine communities inspired by military and biker aesthetics. This gave rise to the leather scene, rooted in brotherhood, erotic power dynamics, and rebellion.

Leather bars became some of the first semi-public spaces where gay men could express kink freely. Organizations like the Satyrs MC (1954) and The Leather Archives & Museum (1991) preserve this legacy.

This is also when modern definitions of fetishes, Dominance and submission, and “flagging” (handkerchief code to signal preferences) started to circulate.

The Sexual Revolution & Liberation Era (1970s)

The Post-Stonewall era was significant, as the 1970s gay liberation movement overlapped with radical sex-positive ideologies.

The Folsom Street Fair (San Francisco, started in 1984) and other kink-friendly events became cultural landmarks, even while fetish and kink became part of a broader political and sexual identity.

HIV/AIDS Crisis (1980s–1990s)

It’s hard not to bring up the HIV/AIDS crisis, as it profoundly affected culture, sex, and American lifestyle for years to come.

Kink communities were profoundly affected by the AIDS epidemic. Leather bars and clubs became not just places of sex, but mutual care, education, and resistance.

Groups like Act Up and Sex Panic! challenged the stigmatization of queer sexuality, including kink and fetishism.

Modern Era (2000s–Present)

The most influential component of fetishes in the gay community today has to be the internet.

Online connectivity allowed kink/fetish communities to flourish globally. Reddit, FetLife, Tumblr (pre-ban), and OnlyFans all played roles in normalizing kink, and making content more accessible to curious but introverted viewers.

Younger LGBTQ+ people now embrace kink as part of their queer identity and body autonomy. The modern gay kink world is more diverse, with increased visibility of trans, nonbinary, and POC kinksters.

Events like Folsom, IML (International Mr. Leather), and RECON celebrate this culture openly.

All in all, we’ve done a great job rebelling against conventions and bringing “three-dimensional sexuality” to mainstream consciousness.

FAQs About Popular Fetishes in the LGBTQ Community

Still have questions about the most popular sexual fetishes in the gay community? Let’s talk about them!

What’s the difference between a gay kink and a fetish?

In gay culture and the greater LGBTQIA community, there is still some confusion between the words kink and fetish.

Kink is a very basic word. Kinks simply refer to sexual activities or fantasies that are considered “non-conventional”, or in other words, not mainstream.

And in that respect, almost anything besides the “old vanilla” gay sex can be considered kink.

Kink can encompass a variety of sexual roleplays, intense practices, unique ways to achieve orgasm, and everything else in between.

It simply means you’re not quite vanilla – you are a kinky guy!

Fetishes refer to similar activities, but are always focused on a specific object. As in, “this thing here embodies and empowers my fantasy.”

A fetish could be a physical object, like a high-heeled shoe, or a body part, like the foot. Or, it could be a specific activity, like restraints and submission.

The object brings the fetishist pleasure, and while it’s mostly about sex, sometimes the object can have an entirely emotional effect on a person.

In fact, our study of psychology still hasn’t provided a final answer on why fetishes develop. But the vast majority of “fetishes and kinks” out there are normal, healthy, sex-positive, and statistically popular.

Will you instantly get turned on if you accidentally encounter a fetish object?

The amount of time it takes for a fetish to arouse you depends on each person’s unique makeup and background.

Fetishes are very diverse. They can vary in practice as well as levels of intensity. Some people may need to interact with their fetish in order to orgasm.

Others may only need it for enhancing their otherwise vanilla sex life. Some may be instantly aroused just by seeing, hearing, or feeling the object.

After a lifetime of experience, most gay men with a fetish will learn what triggers arousal and the best way to use that feeling to have better sex.

What is paraphilia and how is it different from gay fetishes and kinks?

Paraphilia is different from gay fetishes and kinks. Paraphilia is when a person has abnormal sexual desires, and that usually involves dangerous or extreme activities that go beyond unusual.

This may involve putting the person’s life at risk, or endangering other people too. A paraphilia may involve a fetish object (like wearing a plastic bag over their head), but it’s still classified as paraphilia because it’s surpassed the realm of safe and sane sexual practices.

In fact, psychiatrists would define a paraphilic disorder as a paraphilia that causes significant distress or impairment in a person’s life.

Is my fetish a psychiatric disorder? 

No, most fetishes are not psychiatric disorders, unless they involve doing immoral or illegal activities.

For example, pedophilia and zoophilia are classified as psychiatric disorders. These practices involve non-consensual relationships and unnatural attractions.

Therefore, they are not considered kinks or fetishes, which are still within the boundaries of safe, sane, and consensual gay sex.

At what point is a fetish weird, offensive, or morally wrong to the LGBTQ community? 

Fetishes and kinks are not offensive or morally wrong.

Most people have taboo fantasies, fetishes, and kinky scenarios going on in their heads. While it may be unusual or even rude to “overshare” and tell someone about your fetish without them asking, the fetish/kink itself is not morally offensive.

Remember that consent goes beyond just sexual acts. Making sure you have permission to discuss sexual kinks with your audience is important. Learn to “read the room” and determine if other people would be embarrassed by discussing sexual kink, or if they’re fine with it.

Many people in the LGBTQIA community still consider their sex lives a private matter.

Exhibitionists, on the other hand (another kink!), would be more inclined to “overshare” with fellow exhibitionists.

At what point into gay dating do you bring up your kink or fetish?

If you are gay and dating, you need to determine the most appropriate time to bring up a kink or fetish.

The issue involves the level of trust between you and your partner, as well as effective communication.

Obviously, revealing your kink on a first date or dating app, when you’ve hardly established trust, could be oversharing. If they’re into your kink too, great!

But if not, then you could scare the other person away by unleashing too much intimacy, way too soon.

Try to consider the importance of the kink/fetish, and how it might affect the relationship in the future. Is it only during sex that the topic might come up? Or will it be an issue in everyday life?

The best time to discuss it would be when you both have a quiet and relaxed moment, and can communicate honestly. Talk about what you feel, how you came to realize it, and what this particular kink involves.

You might also want to discuss more details on what the fetish or kink is, and what it is not. Breaking down stereotypes and discussing boundaries will always help you stay on the same page with your partner(s).

Conclusion: The Rich Landscape of Gay Fetishes and Kinks

The world of fetishes and kinks within the gay community is as diverse and expressive as our community itself.

Survey data and scholarly research consistently show that fetishes are not fringe outliers, but a common thread among gay men and queer communities.

Whether it’s a tactile fixation on leather, the intensity of BDSM, or the psychological thrill of voyeurism, these interests often intersect with notions of trust, vulnerability, and pleasure, challenging mainstream norms while offering deeper modes of connection.

Importantly, kink and fetishism in queer contexts have often doubled as acts of resistance—against societal repression, shame, and erasure.

These practices have fostered communities of mutual care, education, and liberation, especially in the face of historical adversity such as the AIDS crisis or systemic discrimination.

Today, these traditions continue with pride festivals, kink-positive events like Folsom Street Fair, and online platforms where identities are celebrated, not hidden.

In the words of RuPaul, a gay icon and symbol of self-acceptance:

“When you become the image of your own imagination, it’s the most powerful thing you could ever do.”

Whether your imagination leads you to boots, rope, rubber, or roleplay, follow it with openness, honesty, and pride. There is nothing unnatural or unworthy in seeking happiness through your own personal truth!