What is the Lesbian Marriage Divorce Rate and What Does It Imply?

The worst stereotypes are the ones that seem to be true, and it’s a point of contention that lesbian marriages, especially in the United States, seem to have a higher divorce rate compared to both heterosexual couples and gay male marriages.

First of all, is this true, or is it a myth? For that matter, if it is true, then what are some logical reasons that might explain this phenomenon?

Let’s analyze the statistics and then explore what the demographic data tells us.

First of all, is it true that lesbian couples have a 72% divorce rate? 

This common figure comes from the Office for National Statistics, which said that in 2019, 56% of same-sex marriages were between women, but that the divorce rate for lesbians was 72% – three times higher than gay male couples.

However, some feel that the survey was flawed and the data is somewhat dated. Besides, that was a UK study and not data from the United States.

Therefore, it’s wise to take a look at more recent surveys to glean a more accurate picture of lesbian marriages.

Lesbian Marriage Divorce Rate in the United States

According to data from the Williams Institute at UCLA (2014–2021) and U.S. Census-related surveys, female same-sex couples are more likely to divorce than male same-sex couples or heterosexual couples.

However, more recent statistics show that the estimated divorce rate is as follows:

• Lesbian couples: 30–40% (higher than average)
• Gay male couples: 15–20%
• Heterosexual couples: 40–50% over a lifetime, but current trends show a decline among younger generations

A 2021 brief by the Williams Institute also reiterated that lesbian couples had divorce rates up to twice as high as gay male couples. 

Context is also very important, because if there is evidence suggesting a “lesbian divorce” trend, we need to know if it’s a phenomenon in the United States, or is also reflected in worldwide surveys.

Lesbian Divorce Rate Worldwide

In Europe, a landmark 2006 Swedish study (Andersson et al., Demography) concluded that Lesbian couples were 200% more likely to divorce than gay male couples.

Follow-up studies (including the UK Office for National Statistics (ONS) supported the trend, confirming that female-female unions have a consistently higher rate of dissolution than other pairings.

In 2021, the Australian Bureau of Statistics found that of all divorces between same-sex couples since marriage became legal in 2017, the majority were lesbian couples.

Possible Explanations for Higher Lesbian Divorce Rates Worldwide

We’re left with the same unnerving question: why is there a worldwide trend of dissolving lesbian marriages?

And for that matter, how can we analyze it from a scientific or cultural perspective, free from homophobic dogma and a distinctly heterosexual lens?

Several sociological theories and feminist-informed frameworks offer compelling explanations for why lesbian couples statistically have higher divorce or breakup rates than gay male or heterosexual couples.

Big surprise, they’re not about personal shortcomings. They speak to deep-rooted cultural, emotional, and structural factors that shape relationships differently when both partners are women.

Let’s consider some contributing factors.

One theory suggests women may be more emotionally attuned and more willing to exit unsatisfying relationships, contributing to higher dissolution rates.

The “U-Haul Lesbian” Phenomenon and Relationship Escalation

This is a widely recognized cultural trope (originating in queer humor) describing how some lesbian couples escalate quickly.

You might have heard the old joke: “What does a lesbian bring on the second date? A U-Haul.”

Is there any truth to the idea that lesbians “escalate” intimacy and conflict more than gay men or heterosexual couples?

Sociologically speaking, the theory has some merit. Rapid emotional intimacy and cohabitation can lead to a compressed relationship timeline, increasing the likelihood of intense emotional investment before long-term compatibility is fully understood.

Quick escalation also tends to create high emotional stakes early on, which may not be sustainable over time, especially in the absence of robust conflict resolution models.

But consider another perspective.

High Emotional Labor and Attunement

Lesbian couples often demonstrate exceptionally high emotional intimacy, a strength that can also increase relational fragility.

In feminist relationship theory, women are generally socialized to be emotionally expressive, sensitive to nuance, and invested in the emotional well-being of others

When both partners in a relationship are women, this can create a feedback loop of intense emotional processing, which can be enriching but also exhausting.

Two people highly attuned to one another’s needs can also be more sensitive to unmet needs or discontent, leading to quicker recognition that something ‘isn’t working.’

But let’s get away from the emotional aspect and discuss another viewpoint.

Egalitarianism and Expectations of Equality

Same-sex female relationships tend to be more egalitarian in structure, sharing chores, responsibilities, and decision-making more evenly than heterosexual or even gay male couples.

While this is a good thing, egalitarian ideals can also raise the bar for emotional fulfillment and balance.

When equality is deeply valued, even subtle power imbalances or unmet expectations can become deal-breakers.

Feminist theorists note that lesbian partners may be less willing to tolerate inequality or emotional neglect, and more likely to leave rather than “settle”, which seems to be common in heterosexual couplings.

But if we’re going to get practical about it, we also have to consider how romance often clashes with a realistic view of marital life.

Legal, Economic, and Cultural Independence

Unlike earlier generations of heterosexual women, many lesbian individuals:

• Do not rely on marriage for financial survival
• Have strong support systems outside of marriage (chosen family, queer communities)
• Feel freer to leave relationships that don’t meet their emotional or psychological need

This is reflected in research suggesting that female-initiated divorce is more common in general, and even more so among lesbian couples, where both partners may feel economically and socially empowered.

Lastly, we can’t dismiss the valid concern that culture, and especially homophobia, still exists even in a world where most of us have grown up.

Minority Stress and External Pressures

Minority stress theory explains how chronic stress from living in a heteronormative, sometimes hostile society impacts LGBTQ+ relationships.

Lesbian couples may face gendered expectations and discrimination not only as queer people, but as women.

There are also other external factors to consider which seem linked to social constructs about heteronormativity.

For example, family rejection, lack of cultural role models, and political instability—all of these issues can place additional pressure on relationships already navigating complex emotional terrain.

Even in accepting environments, a lack of institutional support or cultural visibility can leave couples without the scripts or scaffolding to navigate a long-term partnership smoothly.

While there are many theories, it’s all speculation at this point.

FAQs About Lesbian Marriage Divorce Rate

Here are a few more interesting facts about lesbian marriages and divorces to consider.

What is the success rate of a lesbian marriage?

While a 70% rate has been suggested in the past, modern statistics report that 30-40% of lesbian marriages end in divorce. 

While this is a higher than average number, it’s relative compared to a 40-50% divorce rate for heterosexual couples.

Read more about lesbian marriage and divorce statistics, especially as compared to heterosexual and gay couples, in “Predictors of Relationship Dissolution in Lesbian, Gay, and Heterosexual Adoptive Parents” by Abbie E Goldberg and Randi Garcia.

Where is it legal for same-sex couples to marry in the United States?

Same sex marriage is legal in all 50 states, thanks to a Supreme Court ruling.

The landmark case of Obergefell v. Hodges in 2015 guaranteed that gay and lesbian marriage would be permitted in all 50 states, and that all states are required to recognize same-sex marriages in other U.S. states.

What is the average age to get married as a lesbian?

The average age for a lesbian marriage is 33 years old, at least according to surveys from Bowling Green State University.

Statistically, younger married couples have a higher chance of divorce. However, the 30+ age average of lesbian couples suggests that early marrying age is not a factor in higher lesbian divorce rates.

Are lesbian divorce laws different from heterosexual divorce laws?

Lesbian divorce laws are practically the same as heterosexual divorce laws, since the U.S. Supreme Court legalized gay marriage in 2015.

Regardless of gender, divorce requirements like grounds for divorce, property division, spousal support/alimony, and division of debt and retirement assets remain the same.

However, parental rights and child custody might be handled differently in lesbian/heterosexual divorce.

If one partner is a biological parent, and the other did not legally adopt the child, the non-biological parent may not be recognized as having custody rights. Traditionally, courts favor the biological mother unless the other partner has formal legal status as a co-parent.

Therefore, it’s commonly suggested to lesbian parents to legally adopt the child, even if both partners’ names are listed on the birth certificate.

Additionally, spousal support calculations may be affected differently because if both women have similar incomes/careers, then it’s harder to prove a need for alimony. In the same vein, if one partner acted as a homemaker, it might be difficult to establish a traditional wife claim.

Conclusion: Lesbian Marriage Divorce Rates Are Pretty Much Average

While lesbians do face discriminatory behavior and social bigotry (and that may weigh upon their minds as they go about family business), it’s time to admit that their collective divorce rate is about average.

Yes, the divorce rate is higher than that of gay men.

But the 70% statistic that is often quoted was just one survey from the U.K., and it reflected the total number of divorces, not the overall divorce rate.

Even the ONS organization that published the 70% survey cautioned that, because of the relatively small number of same-sex marriages and divorces in the U.K., accurate divorce rates for same-sex couples could not be determined. 

Other statistics determined that lesbian divorce rates were closer to 30-40%, which is significantly less than the 40–50% standard of heterosexual couples.

While there may be factors such as emotional dynamics, gendered relationship expectations, and cultural readiness for non-traditional relationships, it’s all speculation at this point.

What matters is that lesbian couples are given the same rights, expectations, and social norms as everyone else. In the end, marriages are only successful if both partners are determined to stay together and work out their differences.

Love may be real and all around us, but living together requires a team effort. Our congratulations to any person, of any gender or orientation, who can make it work!