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How To Prepare for Anal Sex (for Gay Men)

Ask anyone who’s tried it – anal sex can feel exciting, pleasurable, and “roll your eyes back in your head” great!

Some even say an anal orgasm is more intense than a penile one because of how many nerve endings are inside the anus and rectum and because of the full-body pleasure an aroused prostate delivers. 

But it’s extremely important to prepare for anal sex, so you can avoid injury and get the most out of the new experience. 

Here’s a quick breakdown of how to prepare physically, mentally, and emotionally:

🧠 1. Mindset & Communication

  • Consent is everything. Make sure each partner is fully on board.
  • Talk about expectations, boundaries, and safe words. Communication is essential!
  • Always go slow—especially if it’s new for either partner. It’s normal to feel nervous because anal pleasure depends on slow and steady movement and not rushing things..

🧼 2. Hygiene & Cleaning

  • Use the bathroom beforehand. A bowel movement helps reduce any anxiety about cleanliness.
  • Optional: Rinse with a warm water enema. This is not a requirement, but some people do feel more comfortable after a quick rinse. However, try to avoid overdoing it because the overuse of enemas can irritate the rectum.
  • Shower up. Basic external hygiene (clean butt area) is usually enough.

🧴 3. Lubrication Is Non-Negotiable

  • The anus does not self-lubricate—you need lots of lube!
  • Water-based lube is safe with all condoms and toys.
  • Silicone-based lube lasts longer and is better for extended play – but don’t use silicone lube with silicone toys unless they’re specifically compatible.

😌 4. Relaxation & Foreplay

  • Tension = discomfort. Breathing deeply, staying relaxed, and doing lots of foreplay helps to naturally expand the anus for a smoother fit.
  • Start with fingers or small toys. It’s best to work up gradually in size and intensity over time.
  • Positioning: Lying on your side, doggy style, or being on top can provide more control and comfort.

🛡 5. Protection & Safety

  • Use condoms, especially with new or non-monogamous partners—STIs can be transmitted through anal sex.
  • Go slow and listen to your body—sharp pain or discomfort is a no-go.
  • Take it easy (Literally!) – Trying anal sex without enough lube or playing too rough can cause tissue damage, mucosal lacerations, and injury to the anal sphincter. 
  • Aftercare: There might be soreness or tenderness afterward – cuddles, water, and checking in emotionally go a long way.

⚠️ Things to Avoid

  • Don’t go from anal to oral without first cleaning or changing condoms. Unhygienic anal sex or play increases the risk of STIs because the anus is full of bacteria. 
  • Don’t rush or force it. It takes time, and everyone’s pace is different.
  • Avoid numbing creams—they can mask pain and lead to injury.
  • Never use a sex toy or insertable object without “flared” ends (the T shape design, which prevents the toy from getting lost inside the rectum if pushed too far)

How to Prepare for Anal Sex FAQ

Anal sex doesn’t have to be a pain in the ass. Here are some Frequently Asked Questions

How Can I Stretch My Anus Safely for Anal Sex?

Think of good anal sex like trying a brand new workout. It’s not going to be easy…at first. 

Your anal sphincter is only used to stretching so much. Loosening up will require concentration and practice. 

Here are some simple tips: 

  • Start with a lubed and or condomed finger. Lighter penetration helps prepare you slowly, and you can work your way up in size as you get more comfortable.
  • “Trainer” Butt plugs are the next step. The narrow tips of these toys will get gradually wider toward the middle, making them ideal for comfortable insertion. 
  • Play with larger plugs and dildos. When you can handle a smaller one, upgrade to one size higher, eventually settling with a life-life dildo, which has the same shape as an erect penis. 
  • Always choose body-safe toys that are BPA and phthalate-free. Silicone toys are the most popular among men. 
  • “Train” yourself slowly at least once a day for about a week, aiming for 10 minutes at a time. Upgrade bi-weekly or whenever your body seems to adjust comfortably. 

What Are Some Ways to Ease Nerves for Anal Sex?

Anal sex is not just about “bearing down and taking it.” The best way to prepare is to relax.

Start by slowing your breathing (taking a deep breath through your nose and slowly releasing it through your mouth) and lying down in a comfortable place. 

A wet, warm towel can also help to naturally relax your body. 

Sexual arousal also helps calm your body and prepare for entry. Think about using your favorite sex toy, or other sexual foreplay, including analingus or a rimjob from a partner. 

What Are Some Beginner-Friendly Toys for Anal Sex?

Ready to start an Amazon wishlist for all this butt stuff? Here are some top recommendations. 

1. Lovehoney Booty Around Anal Training Silicone Butt Plug Set (3 piece)

Great starter pack for gentle stretching. 

2. Adam & Eve Sassy Anal Beads

Even smaller than the usual butt plugs, anal beads slip in very easily and then cause pleasure during the pull-out. 

3. Lelo Hugo Anal Vibrator

When you’re ready to go “deeper,” the Hugo provides a hands-free vibrating orgasmic experience. 

What Are Some Beginner Techniques to Try for Better Anal Sex?

Try these hand movements when you’re ready to experiment: 

Ding-Dong: Push the flat part of your thumb against the anus for a gentle but firm push. 

In & Out: Push your protected finger (lubed or condom) inside and upward, about 2 inches in. You may need to search to find that P-spot, but you’ll know when you reach it! When you find a pressure spot, pull out, and then insert again. 

Draw Circles: Use your finger to “draw circles,” first on the exterior, then going deeper. 

Experiment with Positions: Move your body around to figure out the right angle to comfortably find the prostate gland. 

Combine Anal Play with Masturbation: Don’t neglect the penis! Experience a bigger orgasm with mutual stimulation of the prostate and the penis. 

Finally, don’t worry too much about orgasming right away. It may take you a while to find the right combination of maneuvers and practice sessions. Fretting over it won’t help, since stress always reduces pleasure. 

Slowing things down and enjoying yourself one moment at a time will only help in the long-run. 

Try new things and be surprised!